Tale of Ten Patches
Patch One
Finally submitted the TAGS patch to Linus to add TAGS capability to
the top-level Makefile. I seem to recall sending something like this
before, but I must be wrong, because Linus always applies my patches.
Patch Two
It's been a week, and a new kernel came out. Linus must have lost my
mail. That's ok, because I got some feedback from a vi user, who
added a patch for `tags', so my patch is markedly improved.
Patch Three
How strange. Another kernel, no patch. Obviously Linus is very busy,
and there have been some weird mailer problems, so it's not
that surprising. I'm confident that the TAGS patch
is the most highly tuned patch possible; he'll definitely apply it
this time.
Patch Four
It's been five days. Two kernel pre-patches. No patch. Starting to
question my faith in the kernel development: re-reading The Cathedral
and the Bazaar.
Patch Five
Haven't slept in three days. Checked patch for extraneous whitespace.
Checked my old mail accounts for an explanation from Linus. Coworkers
have been trying to talk to me about it, but it didn't help. Ate one
of them. Others backed off.
Patch Six
2.3.34 was released, without my patch. Stumbled into the office and
everyone was wearing black armbands in sympathy. Of course, I know
that they are part of the Conspiracy, and they never really like me
anyway, because Stephen got an APM patch in the same release.
Fortunately there's a gun shop nearby.
Patch Seven
Linus, Linus, why have you forsaken me? The tyrannical laughter from
the Transmeta compound haunts my dreams; I can't believe I dealt with
VI USERS to develop this patch (and I've heard they eat babies).
There's no room left in Linux development for the little guy. Someone
wandered into the deserted office today and asked when the patch was
going into the official kernel: I buried the remains in the ceiling
space.
Patch Eight
Have built voodoo doll of Linus: I've sacrificed a copy of the GNU
Coding Standards to it, but it hasn't helped. Damn Fins: this is no
way to run a fucking kernel. I've taken to calling random people in
the CREDITS file at two in the morning and yelling "WHY DOESN'T LINUS
USE CVS??". Sent death threats to Larry McVoy for not finishing
Bitkeeper.
Patch Nine
I was worried for a little bit that I was losing it. But the voodoo
doll of The Great Evil Linus tells me I'm fine (he's now covered in
pins except for his hands, required for applying my patch).
Printed out twenty copies of the TAGS patch, soaked them in
gasoline and used them to burn down the offices. Kept one, scrawled
my email address in blood on the back of it, and Fedex'ed it to Linus.
I can hear his demonic laughter all the time now...
Patch Ten
Linus applied my patch in 2.3.37! Linus is a genius.
I've sent Linus a copy of the devfs patch. I seem to recall sending
something like this before, but I must be wrong, because Linus always
applies my patches.